Date Night
by TwinEnigma
Summary: In which Sasuke tries to do something nice for Naruto and Sakura's first anniversary. Hilarity ensues. Post-series, language, minor sensuality, mention of mature themes, NaruSaku


_**Date Night**_

**By TwinEnigma**

_Warnings:_ Post-series, mention of mature themes, language (I really don't think this warrants an M rating, but I've changed it to M as the TOS for this site are remarkably unclear on what constitutes an appropriate level of suggestiveness/adult themes for T - on other sites with more defined terms, I'll keep the rating at T.)

_Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto or any of the characters therein. I do this for fun and to keep my brain from exploding._

* * *

Sasuke waits, watching his opponent from the treetop. There is a sudden flash of orange and movement to his right. The seventeen-year old instinctively leaps into the branches, avoiding being peppered with a hail of shuriken. He lands on the trunk of a tree and springs away, stretching and turning his body into a flip that arcs over another barrage of steel. Midair, he throws a handful of small kunai and uses chakra to propel himself up and backwards into the trees. Landing on the ball of his foot, he pivots, slamming a kunai into the kage bunshin that appears behind him, and then repeats the procedure, before flinging the blade into the throat of a third.

Again, he uses chakra to propel himself forward, this time landing on his off hand and using it to push himself off into a flip. His other hand automatically snaps out, flinging shuriken in the direction of the nearest orange blur, and then he lands on his feet, already running. Orange flanks him on both sides and he runs until there's no more cover from the trees.

Steel clashes on steel as he meets both of their blades with kunai and it's a clash of wills now. Someone always bends first and he wonders if it will be him or his orange-clad old teammate.

After what seems like an eternity, his opponent relaxes, the kage bunshin popping with a burst of smoke. "I think that's enough for today, Sasuke."

Sasuke glares at him and snorts, sheathing the kunai. They'd only just gotten started. It could hardly even be considered a proper workout in his book.

"I'm sorry, Sasuke," Naruto says. He grins sheepishly, rubbing the back of his head with one hand. "It's just... I've got a date with Sakura soon."

Sasuke raises an eyebrow. He'd seen Naruto's idea of a date – stolen kisses over cup ramen and candy bars from the new hospital's vending machine – and it would be sad if it hadn't been working so well for the two of them.

"It's our first anniversary!" Naruto explains, hurriedly. "And, see, we've never really had much of a _proper_ date or anything, 'cause of all the reconstruction and paperwork and everything... so, I kinda want it to be special, you know?"

"And you're going to go like that?" Sasuke asks.

Naruto has smears of blood and dirt on his face. Twigs and nettles stick out of that shaggier-than-normal, haphazard rat's nest Naruto happens to call his hair. His clothes are scuffed, muddy and reek of sweat.

"Uh, yeah," Naruto admits, trying to rub some of the dirt off his nose with the back of his sleeve. The action only smears it more instead. "She's seen me worse."

Sasuke stares blankly at him.

Naruto can be horribly oblivious sometimes, Sasuke thinks. He wants a perfect anniversary with Sakura, with a proper date, and yet he stands there and says he's fine showing up looking like a slovenly, second-year Academy student after a schoolyard tussle. And while he still does not feel he has earned or deserves their friendship yet, Sasuke knows them so well, so very well, and he knows that Sakura will expect more of an anniversary than the very casual date Naruto seems to have planned.

Sasuke cannot allow this. He _owes_ Naruto and Sakura both, more than he can ever hope to repay in a lifetime, and he wants to see them happy. He owes them that much, at least, after everything.

"Mission accepted," he mutters under his breath and turns, rapidly making the seals for a Suiton jutsu.

"What in the hell do you th-" Naruto cuts off, gargling incoherently as the torrent of water blasts him right in the face, knocking him right into the river lining the training ground. He coughs, gagging as he gets to his feet, and then glares at Sasuke with all the indignity of a drenched kitten.

Sasuke takes something from his pouch and lobs it at Naruto's head, smirking a little as it impacts right between Naruto's eyes and knocks him back down.

"What the fuck, Sasuke?" Naruto howls, sitting up. He stares at the soap in his lap and then back at him in confusion.

"You need a bath," Sasuke says, quite plainly.

"I can take a shower when I get- argh!" Naruto again is cut off by a blast of water. "Would you cut that out?"

"No."

"You're an asshole," Naruto says, climbing out of the river. "Fine, you win. I'll take a bath."

Sasuke nods, thoroughly pleased with the outcome, and watches his old teammate shuffle back towards town and grumble under his breath about _that bastard Sasuke._

On to phase two, then, Sasuke thinks.

* * *

"Stupid Sasuke," Naruto grumbles.

So, he cut their training session short today, big deal! Sasuke didn't have to be so pissy about it.

After all, it wasn't like they didn't train often or anything and Sasuke _knew_ how Naruto felt about Sakura. Naruto had only told him a dozen or so times.

At great length, actually.

In gratuitous detail.

But still, Sasuke hadn't needed to dunk him in the river and tell him to take a bath like that. He was just being sore, as usual.

Oh well, Naruto thinks. He might as well take the shower. He already desperately needs a change of clothes.

* * *

Looking at Naruto's closet from the outside, one would think that Naruto has to have something in there that is not A: orange, B: informal, C: duplicate outfits, or D: horribly inappropriate. On the inside, one would rapidly discover it's all that Naruto has in there.

Sasuke frowns. This will not do.

Fortunately, he is prepared for this.

* * *

Naruto steps out of the shower, wrapping his favorite orange towel around his waist, and runs a hand across the mirror, wiping away the condensation. The face that greets him is a near mirror to his father's, now only with the whisker markings to tell him that it's his own. It really is rather obvious that he's the Fourth's son now, he thinks. He shakes his head, turning away and goes back into his room.

"What should I wear on my date?" he asks himself, smiling, and throws open his closet door.

Naruto stares.

It's empty, save for one hanger. There's a note pinned to it:

_I am doing you a favor._

"Sasuke, I swear to the Sage, I am going to murder you."

* * *

"What is the appropriate flower for a first anniversary?" Sasuke asks.

Ino stares at him like he's grown a second head and then slowly gives him a coy smile. "So, is this for a certain red-head?"

"It's for Naruto."

Ino's elbow slips off the edge of the counter and her face nearly hits before she recovers.

"He and Sakura are having their anniversary," he explains, seriously. "He wants it to be perfect."

"Of course, of course..." Ino chuckles a little to herself, taking a deep breath, and then slides off the chair. "And you're helping."

Sasuke nods.

"You know, I think you could use some help," Ino says, her smile promising all the mayhem and chaos a member of the Torture and Interrogation squad is capable of. "Let _me_ handle Billboard Brow, okay?"

Sasuke considers. Ino has been friends with Sakura since _forever_. She knows her and her tastes better than anyone. At last, he nods in the affirmative.

Ino squeals happily, bouncing in place, and claps her hands together. "This is going to be great!"

On to phase four, Sasuke thinks, and heads out to his next stop.

* * *

Naruto frantically searches his room for something to wear, cursing that insane Uchiha bastard the entire time. Literally, all he manages to find are his underwear, some clean socks and his good shoes.

"I can't fucking believe this!" he moans, throwing up his arms. "Oh, _sorry, Sakura, we have to reschedule because Sasuke is being fucking crazy and stole all my clothes._ Yeah, that'll go over well!"

He snorts, turning around, and kicks the wall.

There's a light thud as something falls down in the closet.

Naruto pokes his head around the corner.

A box has fallen in the back of his closet and is poking out from behind his gear chest. Curiously, he tugs it out and notes it's a white garment box from one of those posh places he could never afford. Inside, there's a black suit, a white shirt and an orange silk tie he doesn't remember getting.

"Must have been from Granny," he murmurs, pulling them out. Yeah, the outfit looks like something Tsunade would have picked out, so he supposes she must have got it for him and he'd just shoved it in the back of his closet and forgot all about it.

More importantly, it was a box of _clothes._

"Oh hell _yes,_" Naruto says, pulling them out. He pulls on the shirt and the sleeves are a little too long, but it's almost a perfect fit. "Yes, yes, yes!"

The pants and jacket follow and then he's fumbling with the tie. It slides into place neatly and Naruto grins maniacally.

"Eat shit, Sasuke! You're not ruining my date!"

* * *

Sakura stares at the duo standing in front of her. Hinata fidgets as she desperately tries to repress a smile, but Karin does not budge.

"You can read the mission order if you'd like," Karin sighs, holding out the scroll. "It says we're to treat you as hostile if you don't come along quietly."

Sakura snatches the scroll from Karin's hands and skims it:

_Sakura Haruno is to be retrieved from the hospital and delivered to the following address as pursuant to section four of the modified internal... Subject Haruno will then be brought to one of the locations specified in appendix C... If subject Haruno fails to willingly comply, enforcing ninja may consider the subject hostile and belligerent._

_ Authorizing signature: Tsunade of House Senju, Godaime Hokage of Konoha._

_ P.S. Have fun, Sakura! ; D_

"Lady Tsunade...!" Sakura growls, crushing the scroll in one hand. Why that meddling old...!

"So, are you going to come or not?" Karin asks, pushing up her glasses on her nose. "I mean, really, we're being paid to rescue you from your job."

There's still a lot of work to do before Sakura can leave and she doesn't want to be late for her date with Naruto. It's their anniversary and they both finally have the same night off. They've both had such little time to themselves lately and they've been planning what they're going to do tonight for months.

"But the patients..." she hesitates.

"...Someone else will take care of that," Karin says, waving a hand dismissively. "It's all been planned for."

"All right, as long as I'm back in time for my date," Sakura says, at last.

Karin nods, smiling, and Hinata bounces forward, hooking her arm around Sakura's.

"Where are we going, anyway?" Sakura asks.

"Shopping!" Hinata says, gleefully.

"What?" Sakura shrieks.

Karin gives her a wicked grin. "For your date, silly!"

Sakura is going to _kill_ Tsunade for this.

* * *

Naruto, now dressed (and looking quite awesome in his humble opinion), throws open his door and steps outside. "Keys, check, wallet, check, flowers..."

Naruto frowns, glancing around his terrace. "Not check."

It seems Sasuke had taken his revenge out on all his flowering plants, too, as they were all absent. Seriously, all this just because Naruto had cut their sparring session short? Naruto wonders if it's high time he suggested Tsunade order Sasuke to take another mental competency test.

Fortunately, all was not lost. Ino's family flower shop wasn't too far away and Ino – well, she absolutely would bend over backwards to help if she knew his intentions.

Naruto jogs down the stairs, fixed on his new mission.

* * *

"Oh, look, it's _edible,_" Karin says, picking up the package.

Hinata blushes and giggles, pulling something else off the rack.

Sakura rolls her eyes and tries to focus on finding something that isn't A: skanky as hell, B: out of her price range, or C: clashing with her hair. She sighs, skipping another dress, and curses the latter criterion. It's really a bitch finding something that goes with pink hair.

"Look, look," Karin laughs, holding up... oh for the love of the sage, Sakura thinks.

It's a naughty nurse costume.

"What do you think?" the redhead asks.

"Do you have _any_ shame?" Sakura replies.

Karin feigns thinking about it for a moment and puts the costume back on the rack. "Nah, not a bit."

"Ooh, Sakura, _this, this_," Hinata says, yanking something off the rack and practically tripping over the discarded clothes on the floor as she tries to get closer.

It's a dress, long, black and form-fitting. It's décolleté, although not too distastefully done, and the straps pull into a halter behind the neck.

It is also _ridiculously_ expensive and meant for someone with larger breasts than she, a fact Sakura is quick to point out.

"Oh no, no, no, no," Hinata says imperiously. "You _are_ getting this dress. It's perfect for you."

"Hello, what part of not my size and out of my price range didn't you understand?" Sakura asks, rolling her eyes.

Hinata snaps her fingers and the seamstress Sakura had forgotten all about reappears, wielding her scissors and needles like a deranged tailor-nin. Hinata smiles, her face eerily serene, and says, "It's all taken care of."

"We can rebuild you, make you stronger," Karin quips.

Sakura gulps.

What on earth had Tsunade gotten her into?

* * *

"Hey, Ino! I was wondering what sort of flowers you think might be good," Naruto says, leaning against the counter. "It's me and Sakura's first anniversary."

Ino smiles knowingly at him. "Is that so?"

"Yeah and Sasuke seems to be hell bent on ruining it for me," he grumbles.

"Pansy," Ino says abruptly.

Naruto blinks. "...The hell?"

"Pansies are for first anniversaries," Ino points out, selecting some of the blossoms. "They indicate thoughtfulness and caring."

He nods. Of course, of course. Ino knows everything about flowers and their meanings.

"You'll want white Anemone for sincerity," Ino adds, cutting and arranging the blossoms. "And perhaps red roses..."

"Nah, nah, red roses are cliché," Naruto cuts her off. His eyes scan the flowers. A creamy colored one catches his eye. "How about that one instead?"

"Yellow camellia, longing," Ino sighs. "Yes, I suppose that will get the point across."

Naruto nods, pleased with his choice. "How much do I owe you?"

Ino shakes her head as she wraps up the bouquet. "It's already paid for."

"What?" Naruto asks, stunned. "Who...?"

Ino wags her finger. "Nuh-uh, it's a secret!"

Naruto wonders if maybe Sakura told Tsunade about their date. The old hag did have a bit of a soft spot for the both of them, after all. He shrugs, picking up the bouquet. Oh well, he'd worry about it later.

"Wait," Ino says. She comes around the counter and quickly pins a white rose to Naruto's lapel. "For you. It represents devotion."

Naruto smiles at her. "Thanks, Ino."

She grins back, looking like the cat that just ate the canary, and Naruto has the strangest sensation that he's just been played.

No time to worry about it now, he thinks, and forges on.

* * *

"And now for the hair," Hinata says, gleefully clapping her hands. She puts down the make up brushes and sits behind Sakura. "What do you think, Karin? Up or down?"

"Shouldn't you be asking _my_ opinion?" Sakura demands, sulkily.

"Up, definitely up," Karin replies, rummaging through Sakura's jewelry drawer for something appropriate. "And no, Sakura, we're considering you _hostile_, remember?"

Sakura groans and again tries to wiggle her fingers. She'd tried to escape after they'd left the shop, but she'd forgotten that all Hinata needed to do was touch her _once_ to temporarily paralyze her. So, here she is, in her room, the prisoner of two insane but well-meaning allies. Joy.

Hinata hums happily as she brushes Sakura's hair and gathers it in her hand. She twists it into an elegant knot and pins it in place. From a pouch, she pulls out a perfect magnolia blossom and threads it in between the pins.

_Ino_, Sakura thinks. She could have only got that from Ino, which means... oh blast, everyone probably knew about her anniversary now!

There's a knock at the door and Sakura's mother peeks her head in. "Oh, hello, girls," she says and then sees Sakura.

_Help me, mom,_ Sakura tries to say with her eyes.

"Oh, Sakura, you look _gorgeous!_" her mother exclaims in sheer delight. "Oh, I have just the perfect thing for you! I'll be right back!"

_Traitor,_ Sakura thinks acidly as her mother practically bounces out of the room to get her own jewelry box.

* * *

"Naruto! Hey, there you are!" Kiba shouts, jogging up the road with Akamaru at his heels. "I've been looking for you!"

Naruto grins. Finally, someone _sane._

"What's up with the suit, man?" Kiba asks, giving it a once over.

"Me and Sakura's anniversary," Naruto replies. "That and Sasuke pulled a prank on me. Literally, this was all that was left."

Kiba gives a low whistle. "Man, you're lucky. That's a pretty upscale look you got going on. I'll bet she'll be all over you."

Naruto doesn't think that's such a bad idea, now that he thinks of it. In fact, he was kind of hoping for that. "So, what's up?"

"You are _not_ going to believe this, man, but there was a fire at Ichiraku," Kiba says. "They put it out and everyone's okay, but the whole place is a mess. It's going to be at least a few days before everything's cleaned up."

There goes dinner, Naruto mentally groans. "Now where am I going to take Sakura?"

Kiba blinks, as if in realization, and like a good wingman, gives his buddy an alternate: "I heard there's this really good place Chouji's family runs. Maybe you could take her there?"

Naruto hastily memorizes the address Kiba gives him and then gives him a friendly bro-punch on the shoulder as he turns to run towards the hospital. "Thanks, man, you're a lifesaver! I owe you one!"

"No problem," Kiba says, waving.

Naruto again has the strangest feeling he's missed something, but brushes it off.

* * *

"Quick, quick, undo it!" Karin hisses, looking out the windows. "He's coming!"

"You do realize I'm going to kill the both of you," Sakura says. She's sitting in a wheelchair and Hinata is hurriedly putting the finishing touches on her toenails – some sort of decal that Sakura can't see.

"Not in that dress you won't," Hinata informs her, standing. She moves behind her and leans down to whisper in her ear. "You'll be thanking us tomorrow morning."

There's a minor jolt to her spine and Sakura suddenly is aware of pins and needles crawling down every nerve in her body.

"I hate you so much right now," she hisses through clenched teeth.

"I won't lie that the feeling is sort of mutual," Hinata whispers back, her smile thin as she hauls Sakura to her feet. "But I'm not a petty person, so I'm helping you."

Sakura stares at her, suddenly intensely quiet, and blinks. After all this time... "Oh, Hinata."

"Don't," Hinata says, quietly. "You need to enjoy your time with him for yourself, not out of pity for me. Besides, I'll find someone, eventually."

Sakura almost wants to believe her, but then the door is opening and _there's Naruto_...

In a black suit.

A sexy black suit with an orange tie and a white rose boutonnière and oh, _man,_ does he look good.

Sakura's inner self drools and debates the merits of ripping off his clothes and dragging him into the supply closet right the fuck _now_.

_Get a hold of yourself, woman,_ Sakura thinks as she smiles and steps forward.

Naruto sort of freezes in place, a bouquet of flowers in his hand, and stares at her, his jaw dropping a little. "Sakura... You... Wow. You look beautiful."

"Thank you, Naruto," she says, holding out her hand.

He takes it, fumbling a little, and blushes. "The flowers are for you."

Sakura takes them and senses Ino's hand again. Anemone for sincerity, pansy for thoughtfulness and caring, and yellow camellia for longing – _I've missed you, love._ "They're beautiful, thank you."

"Um, I got us a table at this place owned by Chouji's folks," he says, still blushing. "Shall we?"

"It sounds wonderful," Sakura says, threading her arm in his.

"G-Great!" Naruto manages, sounding completely relieved. "Man, Sakura, you would not believe the day I've had."

"Me neither," she says honestly, and shoots a telling look over her shoulder at her captors.

Karin attempts to look innocent, shuffling some papers behind the reception desk.

Hinata merely smiles, completely unrepentant.

* * *

Naruto is relieved when they arrive at the restaurant without further incident. To be honest, he was now very glad that he'd found that suit. Sakura's dress was... well... _wow_ and just... _wow._ He'd really have looked like a complete cad next to that in his normal clothes.

Naruto grins a little. Not that he's going to thank Sasuke or anything for stealing his clothes. No, Sasuke was doing that to be an ass and it just _happened_ to backfire spectacularly in Naruto's favor. Awesome!

"Reservation for Uzumaki," he says, approaching the host.

The host turns around and gives him a familiar thousand-watt smile. "Hello, my most youthful friend!"

"Oh no," Sakura mutters under her breath.

"Lee, what are you doing here?" Naruto asks, shocked.

The smile does not slip for a second. "A most youthful and excellent mission, my friends! The poor host of this most honorable establishment suddenly came down with the flu and Chouji asked me if I could fill in as a favor!"

"Oh," Naruto manages. Funny, the host had sounded fine about fifteen minutes ago. "About my table?"

"Ah yes, unfortunately, there are no more tables in that section," Lee sighs, looking despondently down at the table chart. His face lights up again. "Fortunately, we have a private booth available! It's perfect for a youthful couple such as yourselves."

Naruto stares. "Uh, sure, that's fine."

"Yes, that'd be perfect," Sakura says, reassuringly patting Naruto on the arm.

Lee practically cannot contain the bounce in his step as he picks up two menus and leads them deeper into the establishment.

* * *

The booth is in fact quite private and sort of shadowy, lit by candlelight. Lee energetically informs them that their server will be along shortly and almost races out sight.

Sakura rolls her eyes as she picks up the menu and Naruto chuckles a bit.

"This has been a _strange_ day," he tells her.

"You can say that again," Sakura says. "Tsunade somehow found out about our anniversary and had Karin and Hinata kidnap me for a last-minute makeover."

"Really?" Naruto asks, staring. "Huh, that would explain why Ino told me not to worry about paying for the flowers."

Sakura snorts, rolling her eyes again. "I wouldn't be surprised if she's the one who told Tsunade."

Naruto laughs. "Yeah, she would, wouldn't she?"

"Hello, Dickless, Pig. Would you like some water?"

It's Sai. He's dressed in the same uniform as the other waiters and holding a pitcher of water.

"What in fuck's name are you doing here, Sai?" Naruto demands.

"Don't tell me," Sakura groans, rubbing her forehead with a hand, "the waiter came down with a sudden inexplicable case of explosive diarrhea and you agreed to cover for him?"

Sai gives her a blank look. "Don't be stupid, Pig. The flu is highly contagious. Several of the normal staff members are out for the day."

"Do you even _do_ D-rank missions?" Naruto asks.

Sai smiles in his usual creepy way. "Only when they pay this much. Plus tips, of course."

"That was a rhetorical question, you asshole," Naruto grouses. "And any more name-calling and you won't _get_ a tip."

Sai shrugs, reaches over and fills their glasses. "Are you ready to order?"

"Yes," Sakura says acidly. "And go easy on the spit, would you?"

* * *

"So, I open my closet doors and _there's nothing there,_" Naruto says dramatically, waving his arms to emphasize. "The bastard took everything!"

Sakura smirks, expertly twirling her chopsticks in the noodles. "So, where'd you get the suit?"

"It was in the back, in a box," Naruto admits, grinning. "I think Tsunade must have given it to me a while back and I just left it in the box or something. The bastard totally missed it."

"Huh, sounds like Sasuke's getting sloppy in his old age," she quips.

Naruto laughs. "Nah, he's just pissed. He gets sloppy when he's mad."

Or dangerously unhinged, Sakura thinks, suddenly sober.

Naruto must have realized the same thing, for he suddenly goes quiet and takes a sip of his water.

After a moment, Naruto adds, "Still, you have to admit that's kind of crazy, right? Maybe he should get his head checked again."

"Everybody's a bit crazy, Naruto," Sakura says honestly. "Do you want to know how hard it is to pass those psych evaluations?"

Naruto winces. "Let me guess, it's not as hard as I think?"

"Well, for one, you'd have to be crazy to be a ninja and even crazier to take the missions," Sakura begins. "And, of course, to survive being a ninja, you have to be a bit crazy – all the best ones are, in some way, but we like to call them _quirky_ instead. It sounds better than crazy. Anyway, if you're rational enough to recognize that you'd have to be crazy to be a ninja and take the missions, then there's no way that you're too crazy to be an active ninja and avoid taking those missions."

"That's crazy," Naruto says, scrunching up his forehead in thought.

"That's Section C, Paragraph 22 of the Handbook for you," Sakura agrees.

Naruto picks up a shrimp and chews on it thoughtfully for a moment, before piping up again. "So if Sasuke steals my clothes and houseplants because he's pissed I cut training short, he's not crazy?"

"Just quirky," Sakura nods. "Every ninja's got their coping mechanisms. Kakashi had Icha Icha Paradise..."

"Maybe we should introduce Sasuke to that," Naruto harrumphs. He then stops, as if realizing what he's suggested, and laughs.

Sakura giggles. "Can you imagine the look on his face?"

"Oh man, his head would explode!" Naruto chuckles, leaning forward.

Sakura leans forward as well. "And he'd be all... _what is the purpose of this?_"

"We could tell him it's a training manual," Naruto suggests, conspiratorially. He waggles his eyebrows.

Sakura is barely able to suppress her laughter as she makes a mock serious-face. "Mission Accepted!"

Their hands meet and they are only inches away from each other's noses. Naruto's chuckles stop, his eyes widening, and Sakura's mouth opens in a soundless 'oh.'

The shadows reach up and douse the candle, plunging the booth into darkness.

Half a second later, Sakura stomps out of the booth, murder in her eyes and the chopsticks clenched in her fists. "Shikamaru!"

There's a panicked cry to "abort" from the kitchen – it sounds suspiciously like Shino – and then there's a tumultuous crashing of pans and the smash of a window nearby.

Sakura glowers, grinding her teeth in rage.

Naruto pokes his head out of the booth, beckoning for the nearest waiter. "Check please?"

* * *

The walk home is considerably better. Sakura is feeling much less like murdering their former classmates and keeps getting distracted by the way her fingers brush against Naruto's thigh while they walk, hand-in-hand towards his apartment.

"What a crazy night, eh, Sakura?" Naruto says awkwardly. He runs his free hand through his hair, like he does sometimes when he's nervous. It's sort of cute.

"Yeah," she sighs. "I'm beginning to think Tsunade had everyone in on it."

"Well, except Sasuke," Naruto says, chuckling. "And maybe Tenten. Doesn't seem like she'd be involved. She's too quiet."

Sakura rolls her eyes. "It's always the quiet ones you have to watch out for."

"Neji probably wasn't involved either," Naruto adds. "He totally wouldn't go along with it. He's too pompous."

Sakura laughs a little and leans into Naruto's shoulder. They're almost at his place now. "I don't know. Hinata went along with it."

"Yeah, well, you said it yourself – it's _always _the quiet ones," he quips, grinning as they start up the stairs. He pauses a moment, looking around and lets out a soft 'huh.'

"What is it?" Sakura asks, leaning on his arm.

"Sasuke returned all my plants. I guess he finally calmed down." Naruto pauses, grinning down at her. "Wonder if he returned my clothes, too."

Sakura gently slaps him on the arm. "I _hope_ not. I've planned on keeping you naked until well into tomorrow morning."

"Can I just say that I approve this plan, absolutely and totally?" Naruto says, opening the door.

Sakura nods, grinning like the cat that just caught the canary as they enter. "As much as I love that suit on you, I think I'd like it better off of you."

In fact, she's been looking forward to this for hours.

"I could say the same about that dress," Naruto practically purrs in her ear. His hand ghosts her thigh and she can't help giggling as she reaches up to start undoing his tie.

Naruto kicks the door shut with his foot and kisses her softly, once, twice and then a third time. "Bed?"

"Mm-hmm," Sakura agrees, leading him slowly towards his bedroom. She fumbles with the latch for a moment and then the door slides open.

And then Marvin Gaye's _Let's Get It On_ starts playing.

Naruto freezes.

Sakura turns around and stares in horror.

There's flower petals strewn across the floor, leading directly to the bed, and she's willing to bet those silk sheets were not in Naruto's possession before today. And then there were romantic candles everywhere.

This is a line only one person would have the balls to cross. Tsunade and Ino might play matchmaker, but they knew better than to do this. No, they were pawns in someone else's scheme.

Someone who knew them well.

Someone smart.

Someone _crazy_.

"Sasuke," Sakura growls, clenching her fists, "If you aren't out of this apartment in ten seconds, I swear by heaven I will declare you mentally incompetent and dock you from out-of-village missions for the rest of your natural life... which will be all of fifteen seconds if I catch you!"

The music stops with the abrupt sound of a scratching record and then Naruto cries out in alarm as a box of condoms smacks against his forehead.

There is a note attached:

_Told you I was doing you a favor._

Naruto and Sakura stare at each other.

"He's crazy," she says.

"Yeah," Naruto admits. "But in his own way, I think he was trying to be nice."

Sakura sighs heavily. "Yeah..."

"But he's still an asshole," he adds. He fidgets a little, tugging at the undone tie. "So... shall we... uh?"

Sakura sits down on the end of the bed and undoes the straps of her shoes. Her feet hurt and she's inexplicably tired.

Naruto kneels and gently pulls off her shoes, smiling up at her. It's an incredibly adorable and romantic gesture. His knuckles graze the arch of her foot and she feels an electric tingle run up her spine. He smirks, his blue eyes practically glowing, and repeats the action with her other foot.

Sakura smiles coyly as her inner self purrs.

* * *

**AN:** And then they done sex.

And it was awesome.


End file.
